Soap is not a condiment
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
