Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
