i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
