oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
