I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
