My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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