A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dick very happy bro
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
