I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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