The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
