"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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