We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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