guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
