So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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