At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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