I am puke
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
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