The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
