shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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