sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn