Texts From Last Night

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.

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  (937): I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/skfa
  Replies (8) Good night (3906) Bad night (814)
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  (818): View more from California

  You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.

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  (818): You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf. http://tfl.nu/hkre
  Replies (62) Good night (1636) Bad night (6315)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.

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  (727): Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water. http://tfl.nu/rvne
  Replies (2) Good night (3585) Bad night (745)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.

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  (314): I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY. http://tfl.nu/obak
  Replies (7) Good night (4413) Bad night (908)
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  (415): View more from California

  so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?

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  (415): so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then? http://tfl.nu/dz1l
  Replies (19) Good night (3586) Bad night (1065)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"

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  (765): You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?" http://tfl.nu/g1nx
  Replies (21) Good night (1464) Bad night (4054)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  How have you survived this long?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.

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  (479): Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever. (1-479): How have you survived this long? (479): Dumb luck and a deal with the devil. http://tfl.nu/0es8
  Replies (9) Good night (3339) Bad night (972)
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  (909): View more from California

  So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment

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  (909): So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment http://tfl.nu/2pzw
  Replies (14) Good night (802) Bad night (2413)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?

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  (832): Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life? http://tfl.nu/p6xv
  Replies (10) Good night (1087) Bad night (571)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk

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  (908): I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk http://tfl.nu/wvk1
  Replies (6) Good night (551) Bad night (877)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.

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  (763): I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down. http://tfl.nu/nif2
  Replies (8) Good night (613) Bad night (360)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.

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  (561): Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring. http://tfl.nu/lpoq
  Replies (2) Good night (615) Bad night (322)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?

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  (870): I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life? http://tfl.nu/mep1
  Replies (1) Good night (564) Bad night (494)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.

  (682): View more from Texas

  Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"

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  (817): On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem. (682): Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?" http://tfl.nu/7dka
  Replies (4) Good night (508) Bad night (365)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.

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  (519): Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf. http://tfl.nu/i5lg
  Replies (2) Good night (832) Bad night (236)

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