I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?