She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
