someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..