whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
