I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize