i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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