just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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