Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
