I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
