Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
