I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's blow job season.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
