i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
