she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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