i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my being single is dangerous.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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