I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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