I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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