went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
