she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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