He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
