I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.