Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
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Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.