She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
