pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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