I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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