What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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