Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need a beard to bite.
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