you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
