20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize