it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
