i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
