I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
