i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
