Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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