I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize