On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
