well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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