I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
