if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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