I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
