sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
