he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
