Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
