Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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