Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
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Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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