she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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