i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Mom said you looked used
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
