Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
