I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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