Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
