You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
