Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
