i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
