What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
