dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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